


Uncle Jean's Dating Advice

by dslitez



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, single instance of sexual humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 02:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13824780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dslitez/pseuds/dslitez
Summary: Roy suggests Ed use one of his very rare days off to ask someone out on a date, but Edward finds that he's too nervous to do so. Time for Uncle Jean Havoc to come to the rescue!Humor, fluff, teasing, and Ed is gay for Ling





	Uncle Jean's Dating Advice

"Shut up, Mustang, it's all your fault anyway!"

Edward's shouting startles the jumpier members of Mustang's team. Hawkeye is unfazed, of course, and she stands to greet the colonel as he enters the room. He's tailed by the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother, who seems particularly nervous as Ed yells at the older man. Roy's smug grin is unwavering.

"Hello Sir," Riza says. Mustang nods in greeting and takes a file of paperwork off her hands.

"What exactly is 'all your fault', Colonel Mustang, Sir?" Havoc asks from his desk.

"Oh, it's nothing," Roy answers with an amused smile, "But Fullmetal here has never gone on a date and he's decided to place the blame on me. As if I somehow caused his abrasive personality and lack of social skills." He waves the file animatedly in his hand as he speaks, pointing it at the fuming young alchemist.

"It is your fault! You're the one that got me into the military and now it takes up all my time! I can't even ask out the person I like because you keep sending me on stupid missions!" Edward yells. His face is noticeably red as he glares at Roy.

"Aww, has the kid caught the love bug?" Havoc teases, causing Ed's glare to point towards him. Jean chuckles nervously and raises his hands in surrender. Annoyed, Edward sighs.

"Can you just give me my next assignment so I can leave, Colonel Bastard?" Ed growls. Mustang glances up from the file he'd started skimming through. That grin that Ed hates so much returns to his stupid face.

"It's your lucky day, Fullmetal. I don't have anything for you. You can go ask out that girl you like so much," Roy says before turning and entering his private office, with Hawkeye following. Ed seems to shrink, which is quite a feat for someone as already small as him. His expression slackens from pure unbridled rage to something like shame.

Havoc notices the look on Edward's face, along with the way his normally friendly brother has been silent, and decides it's time for ol' Uncle Jean to find out what's wrong. He stands to follow the brothers, leaving his fellow soldiers at their desks.

"Hey, Chief, wait up," Havoc says and places a hand on the older Elric brother's shoulder. Ed doesn't meet his eye, choosing instead to stare at the armored feet of his little brother. "Is there something wrong? I though you'd be happy to get a day off."

"I am- it's just... I don't really know how to ask someone out, especially the person I like," Edward answers, his eyes still looking anywhere except at the blonde lieutenant in front of him.

"Ah, I see. You need dating advice. Well, you've come to the right man."

"You came to me," Ed points out flatly.

"R-right, but, either way I'm the right guy. So who is it that's caught your fancy? Winry?"

Edward shakes his head. His cheeks begin to grow redder and he clenches his fists. There's something he wants to say, but he can't bring himself to say it.

"Okay, so it's some other girl then. May Chang? Sheska? No, she's too old for you... Don't tell me it's Hawkeye."

Edward shakes his head again, more quickly this time, and closes his eyes. Havoc breathes a sigh of relief and wipes sweat from his brow. He brings his hand up to his chin and takes a second to think.

"Well, what about Ling?" Jean asks and Edward's breath hitches. "He had a girl with him, right? Ran Fan, or was it Lan Fan?"

The alchemist lets out an annoyed sigh before growling, "It's not a girl." He and his brother are both stiff and scrutinizing.

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

Jean's surprised expression softens to something knowing and warm. "That's okay, Chief, there's nothing wrong with that." Ed finally moves to turn and stare at the man in front of him. His gold eyes are wide and innocent and so very relieved. Alphonse also relaxes, though it's somewhat hard to tell with his expressionless face and stiff armor body.

"Yeah, it's fine," Jean continues, "It's not really my area of expertise, but if it's a boy that you like that's totally fine. I'll still help you out."

Ed and Al both seem to melt with relief like a weight was lifted from their shoulders. "Thank goodness," Al says, "We were both so worried."

"Worried? About what? I'm not gonna judge you for something like that."

"Of course not," Ed waves Havoc off, an embarrassed grin on his face. It falters and he continues on, "You know how people are though. It's not just being judged that I was worried about. Th-though obviously I know you and the others would never do anything bad! I just had to be cautious, I guess."

Havoc pats the kid's shoulder. "I know, Kid, you don't have to explain yourself to me. The world is tough, but hey, you're in love! That's great. Now tell me about the lucky man. Who is it?"

Edward's face turns bright red, matching the color of his favorite jacket. "I-it's Ling," he stutters. Havoc cocks an eyebrow.

"Ling? Ling Yao? The prince?" The lieutenant grows a wry smirk. "Why, Edward, I didn't know you were looking to become the co-emperor of Xing. I guess if you don't have royalty in the blood, you might as well have it in somewhere."

Mustang's team, minus Havoc, hear the sound of Ed yelling angrily at a volume he usually reserves for the colonel, along with Alphonse's strained protests. Eventually, Jean slinks back into the office and everyone questions just what he said to Edward to cause that nasty bruise on his cheek.

**Author's Note:**

> Jean deserved that punch. He didn't even give much actual advice.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Alphonse is a very good and caring brother and EdLing is a power couple, never forget.


End file.
